Teenagers, Suicide, and Firearms
If you are a parent of a teenager you know that hormones are raging and the slightest thing can set off an avalanche of emotions, such as a break up with a girlfriend, not making the team, not getting the grade, not wearing the right clothes, etc.. Your teenager might feel so low that they want to end the pain, and a firearm is an easy way to end that pain. We want to help prevent a teenager from trying to find a permanent solution for a temporary problem by using a gun. Yes, I know the common thought in our community is that “if they don’t use a gun they will use something else, like pills”. You should hide your pills too! Afterall, prescription drug overdose is the number one reason for death outside of natural causes for all age groups. The brain doesn’t fully develop until a person reaches 24 and the last part to develop is the ability to make rational decisions and to fully understand consequences. We can’t be helicopter parents that are around our kids 24/7 but we can make it a lot harder for them to make a poor split decision. Annually within the US, about 60% of all firearm deaths are due to suicide. What can you do as a parent to lower the chances of one of your loved ones commiting suicide?
Before we get into this article you must know that I am not a doctor or therapist. I have worked extensively with teenagers and have had this discussion with many of them. If you think your teenager may be suicidal, or you yourself are needing help, please seek out professional help to walk you through the process. You can call or visit the “Suicide Prevention Lifeline” at:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
800-273-8255
A Story from my past-
When I was in ninth grade there was a 10th grader who rode my bus to school. One day at school she had a bad breakup with her boyfriend. On the bus after school she looked and acted totally normal. When she got off of the bus she walked home then got into an animated argument with her ex-boyfriend over the phone. Overloaded with emotions and with both of her parents at work, she walked into her dad's closet, pulled out his gun and shot herself in the head. She only lived a couple of blocks away. I heard the sirens and knew something was going on but had no idea that she committed suicide until our family found out from other neighbers later that evening. Everyone said the same thing “I never thought she would ever take it that far”.
It is not a simple solution on what to do with firearms in your home with teenagers. Decisions are easier with little children in the home. Don’t let little ones have access to firearms without adult supervision, but once you have a teenager things get more complicated. Yeah, they should be locked up but should we let our teenagers have access to them? What if someone breaks in while the parents are away? There are a lot of sick people out there who could do your teenager unimaginable harm and there are countless stories to prove that right. There are also numerous stories of teenagers shooting home invaders and protecting themselves and family members from certain harm or death. Removing the firearm isn’t the cure all solution. Countries like South Korea and Japan, who aren’t allowed to possess guns in their homes, have higher suicide rates than the USA. Owning firearms in the home isn’t going to cause a teenager to attempt suicide, but a firearm is a tool that could be used to attempt suicide.
If you are going to give your teenager access to a firearm when you are not around, you ABSOLUTELY MUST make sure they have had several hours of training on how to safely operate the weapon. We don’t want a teenager who hears a bump in the night after watching “Stranger Things” freaking out and shooting a friend or family member who comes through the door after a fun night out. Also, you ABSOLUTELY MUST communicate with your teenagers. Most teenagers will act like you are so embarrassing, or they can’t stand you, but normally this is just a facade, a part of their natural desire to have independence. If you are going to give them access to a firearm you need to know if they are going through a breakup, not fitting in, or anything else that could cause them to have suicidal thoughts.
There are some tale tale signs a person gives off if they are contemplating suicide such as:
If a person talks about:
Killing themselves
Feeling hopeless
Having no reason to live
Being a burden to others
Feeling trapped
Unbearable pain
Behaviors that may signal risk, especially if related to a painful event, loss or change:
Increased use of alcohol or drugs
Looking for a way to end their lives, such as searching online for methods
Withdrawing from activities
Isolating from family and friends
Sleeping too much or too little
Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
Giving away prized possessions
Aggression
Fatigue
People who are considering suicide often display one or more of the following moods:
Depression
Anxiety
Loss of interest
Irritability
Humiliation/Shame
Agitation/Anger
Relief/Sudden Improvement
https://afsp.org/risk-factors-and-warning-signs
To find out more please visit American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
If you see any of the above changes you should cut off their access to firearms until they are in a better frame of mind. Yes, I knew a girl who commited suicide by using a gun but I also had a friend in highschool commit suicide by getting drunk then driving his car 90 miles per hour into a tree. (Car collisions are the #1 cause of death for those 16-21 years old). Simply removing a gun from their reach isn’t going to solve the problem but it does take away one of the simplest options. In this world of instant gratification, social media, and high stress environments it is easy for our kids to get depressed or anxious. You must become part of your teenager’s life. Even then, you could be the best parent in the world but still have a teenager contemplating suicide. It is ultimately your decision, as the owner of a firearm, to whom you allow to have access to your firearm. Every family and every teenager is different. A family may have one teenager who has never had an issue with depression and another teenager who has frequent struggles with depression and thoughts of suicide.
Besides depression there is another issue with teenagers. They have friends and their friends have friends. You may have a pulse on your teenager’s frame of mind and you may have taught them gun safety, but I guarantee you that some of their friends or friends have never been around a firearm before and they would not be responsible with a gun. So, even if you trust your kids, I wouldn’t trust other people's kids around your guns while you are away. For me, I kept a pretty respectful group of friends growing up but I know that some of my friend’s friends would have snooped around the house if no one was there to keep an eye on them. Make sure you have a way of locking up your firearms when you are away. Nowadays there are so many ways of securing your weapon it is careless not to secure it. You have options ranging from cheap, low tech cable locks all the way up to high tech safes that alert you when the safe is opened. You must take advantage of these options and secure your weapon to keep it out of the hands of unauthorized users. If you need some help in finding a solution to safely store your firearm, check out this article “Learn the Ins and outs of securing and storing your firearm”
If you have children or teenagers living in a house with guns, you must make sure they know the ins and outs of gun safety and how to properly operate a firearm. You need to have your firearms securely locked up to limit who is allowed access to them. If you allow your teenager to have access without a parent being present you must have a pulse on their frame of mind. The instant you see cause for concern, such as depression or suicidal ideations, you should act swiftly to limit their access to your firearm.
Raising teenagers can be complicated! Owning a firearm can add to that complication, but by being involved in your teenagers life and exercising an abundance of caution you can limit their chances of making a horrible split decision with a gun.
